Safety In Court: WomensLaw.org

After you have left an abusive relationship, there may be many occasions where you will have to see the abuser in court to deal with a protection order, custody, child support, divorce, or criminal proceedings. Since you are in a courthouse surrounded by people and even court officers, you may feel like it is okay to let your guard down. However, please remember that any time you come into contact with the abuser, you have to take steps to protect yourself. Here are some tips to help keep you as safe as possible.

Following these suggestions (often known as a safety plan) can’t guarantee your safety, but it could help make you safer. However, it is important that you create a safety plan that is right for you. Not all of these suggestions will work for everyone, and some could even place you in greater danger. You have to do what you think is best to keep yourself and your children safe.

Try to get to court at a different time than you think the abuser will arrive to avoid seeing him/her on the street or in line to enter the court. If the abuser is always late, try arriving early. If the abuser always arrives early, try arriving closer to your hearing time or come with a friend. Remember: make sure to leave plenty of time to get through the lines, metal detectors, etc., so that you get to the hearing on time. If you are late, the case may be called without you and dismissed. Finding a domestic violence advocate to go with you can really help with safety. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) to find help near you. You can also find a list of domestic violence organizations in your area in our State and Local Programs section.
See if your police department or sheriff’s department will take you to the courthouse. Meet them somewhere other than the courthouse and then ask the officer to walk you inside. Have the officer wait with you until you find the bailiff or courthouse security and let them know your situation. Try to sit near the court officers or security guards if you can.
Bring a friend or family member with you so you won’t have to be alone at all during the day.

If your friend or family member cannot spend the day in court with you, ask that person to drive you to court. It’s best to get someone whose car the abuser doesn’t know. Ask him/her to drop you off at the courthouse entrance so you don’t have to walk alone through the parking lot.

If you have to drive yourself to court and you are worried that the abuser will find your car and wait for you there when court is over, try to use a car the abuser will not recognize. If you can, you may want to borrow or rent a car that the abuser won’t recognize.

Stay together with whoever came with you while inside the courthouse. Ask your friend/family member to keep an eye on the surroundings and pay attention to safety considerations. If you need to use the bathroom and it has a lot of stalls, ask your friend/family member to come into the bathroom with you. If your friend/family member is unable to come into the bathroom with you, ask him/her to wait outside the bathroom for you.
Find someone who knows the courthouse well, like a domestic violence advocate or someone who works at the courthouse. Ask them about safe places you can sit where you will be close to courthouse security but where you will still hear your name called when they call your case. Ask them where all the exits are, in case you have to leave in a hurry. Besides the main exit, there may be exits through the courtrooms, side exits, or fire exits that you could use in an emergency.
Ask the bailiff or courthouse security to keep the abuser away from you. Let the bailiff or courthouse security know if the abuser sits near you or tries to harass you. If you have a restraining order, remember that the order is still in effect while you are in the courthouse. If the abuser violates the order while in the waiting room or in line at the courthouse entrance, you can report it to a court officer or call the police.

At the end of your hearing, ask the judge or the court officer/bailiff to “detain” the abuser. In other words, to hold him/her until you can leave.
If the judge or court officer won’t detain the abuser, think about letting the abuser leave the courthouse first, then wait a long time before leaving and try to leave out of a different exit than the main exit. However, even if you wait a long time, be aware that the abuser could still be out there waiting for you so be observant.
Have a police officer or sheriff walk out of the courthouse with you and walk you to your car if possible.
Have a friend pick you up at the exit or if you had a friend/family member come with you, make sure that s/he walks to your car with you.

Guns and Domestic Violence are a deadly Combination:NNEDV

Guns and Domestic Violence are a Deadly Combination
APRIL 12, 2017
Lethal school shooting leaves three dead in San Bernardino County

On Monday afternoon, known domestic violence offender Cedric Anderson reportedly opened fire in an elementary school. Police are now referring to this crime as a “murder-suicide” – a term which fails to acknowledge the deadly consequences of domestic violence and the wider impacts in this case: one dead child and one child seriously injured. Abusers often make specific threats to harm their victims, and those threats are frequently not taken seriously.

Domestic violence is about the abuser exercising power and control over the victim. Even after a victim breaks free from an abuser, she is not immediately safe. Abusers are often deadliest when victims try to leave or have recently fled the abuse. One-fifth of homicide victims with restraining orders are murdered within two days of obtaining the order, and one third are murdered within the first month. After leaving an abuser, victims must continue to make specific plans for their safety, sometimes for the rest of their lives.

“Even for victims who leave, their safety isn’t automatically secured,” said Kim Gandy, President and CEO of the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV). “Although it is counter-intuitive, sometimes not leaving is the safest thing to do at a given moment. One of the most critical services provided by local domestic abuse programs is safety planning with the victim – preparing and leaving in a way that poses the least risk.”

Guns and domestic violence are a deadly combination. The mere presence of a gun increases the risk of domestic violence homicide by 500 percent. In 2014, more female homicide victims were killed with a firearm than with all other weapons combined.

“Abusers’ access to firearms is a serious concern for victims of domestic violence and their communities,” continued Gandy. “We see time and again that when domestic violence isn’t taken seriously, abusers go on killing sprees that leave their victims dead and sometimes many others dead or seriously wounded in the lethal collateral damage. We need to hold domestic violence offenders accountable – before the death toll begins.”

NNEDV supports common sense firearms proposals that would reduce perpetrators’ access to firearms, including expanding the law to prohibit stalkers and abusive dating partners from possessing firearms; requiring firearms removal at the time temporary orders of protection are granted; and improvements to the criminal background check system. Additionally, NNEDV urges lawmakers to increase resources for emergency shelter, housing, legal remedies, economic opportunities for survivors, and training for first responders.

Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance:Defending Strong Gun Laws

Dear Friends,

Across the country, strong gun laws are under attack. Legislation is currently pending in the U.S. House and Senate that would require every state – including New York – to let people from states with weak gun laws carry concealed firearms while they are visiting. The Concealed Carry Reciprocity Act (CCRA) would make any permit to carry concealed weapons valid everywhere, regardless of where that permit was issued. In twelve states, you don’t even have to have a permit or any training to carry a concealed weapon. Residents of those states would be free to bring concealed weapons to any city or state they may choose.

We will fight the Concealed Carry Reciprocity Act in the halls of Congress, and if necessary we will fight it in the courts.

Last week, I was joined by NYPD Commissioner James O’Neill and law enforcement leaders from across the country following the conclusion of the fifth national summit of Prosecutors Against Gun Violence, the nonpartisan coalition I co-founded. We gathered prosecutors, police, and lawmakers from red states and blue states, jurisdictions large and small, to speak out against the CCRA. Representatives from Michigan, Alabama, Arizona, California, Washington, Oregon, Tennessee, and Illinois, all joined us at the press conference, which you can watch here.

Domestic Violence Resource Center:March 2017

Domestic Violence Resource Center

ann patricia coleman

the most current information check out my blog:momsangelsblog.wordpress.com

Women’s Shelters: for Women and their Children

Hope’s Door: Pleasantville, NY

914-747-0828:

Hotline 888-438-8700

Email info@hopesdoorny.org

http://www.HopesDoorNY.org

My Sister’s Place

Contact:Beth Levy:Attorney

1 Water Street White Plains, NY

914-683-1333:

Emergency hotline 800-298-7233

Process Server:My Sisters Place referral:

orders of protection,court orders

State Process Serving Co.

914-243-5817

Domestic Violence Victim Advocate

Police Chief :David Ryan Pound Ridge, NY: Police Chief David Ryan:914-764-4206

email:dryan@townofpoundridge.com

Retreats for Battered Women

Lundy Bancroft: 413-582-6700

Website and blog: http://www.lundybancroft.com.

Domestic Violence Attorneys

Richard Ducote: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania: 412-322-0750:

Email ducotelaw@aol.com

Charlie and Diane Hofheimmer: Virginia Beach, Virginia: 757-425-5200

for women only

Resources:

Alliance for Justice

Washington DC office: 202-822-6070

California office: 510-444-6070

American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence

http://www.abanet.org/domviol

Angela Shelton

http://www.angelashelton.com

angela@angelashelton.com

Anne Grant: Providence Journal

Freelance writer exposing the failure to protect mothers and children from violence (Rhode Island)

http://custodyscam.blogspot.com

http://www.littlehostagesblogspot.com

Email: parentingproject@verizon.net

ASPCA:

424 East 92nd St.NY,NY 10128

800-628-0028

http://www.aspca.org

Avon:See The Signs

http://www.seethesigns.org

Avon Foundation for Women launches employer training program to help bystanders become upstanders when suspecting abuse

Battered Mothers Custody Conference

http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org

Battered Mothers’ Justice Project

800-903-0111 ext. 2

Civil justice 207-371-2204

Battered Mothers Speak Out: A Human Rights Report on Domestic Violence and Child Custody

Publication office, Wellesley Centers for Women, Wellesley College

781-283-2510

http://www.wcwonline.org

California Now For Battered Women

915 L Street suite C245 Sacramento, CA 95814

http://www.canow.org

916-442-3414

Email, info@canow.org

California Protective Parents Association

http://www.protectiveparents.com

Cherie Blair Foundation http://www.cherieblairfoundation.org Cherie Blair was featured at the UN Conference on Women. email: jc@cherieblairfoundation.org

Child Justice:Eileen King: http://www.child-justice.org:email:kingeil656@aol.com

Chime for Change: the empowerment of women and girls internationally

http://www.chimeforchange.org

Managing Editor: Marianne Pearl.

Education, health, justice for every girl, every woman, everywhere.

City of New York: Mayor’s Office to Combat Domestic Violence New York, NY: Family Justice Center, Manhattan

Family Justice Center Contact: 212-602-2800 – 80 Center Street, Manhattan, NY.

Committee To Protect Journalists

http://www.cpj.org

330 7th avenue 11th floor NY, NY 10001

212-465-1004

email:info@cpj.org

Senior Advisor:Frank Smyth:www.journalistsecurity.net

The Silencing Crime: Sexual Violence and Journalists

Special Report;Lauren Wolfe

Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence

http://www.ctcadv.org

800-281-1481

In state domestic violence hotline: 888-774-2900

Connecticut Family Justice Center: a work in progress.

Contact information:

michaelboltoncharities.com

Contact person: Jackie Smaga, js.mbf@snet.net

Connecticut Sexual Assault Crisis Services

http://www.connsacs.com

24 hour toll free hotline English 888-999-5545, Spanish 888-568-8332

Courageous Kids Network

http://www.courageouskids.net

Courageous Kids Network P.O. Box 1903 Davis, Ca. 95617:

Email: courageouskidsnetwork@hotmail.com

CDC

Center For Disease Control

Domestic violence: http://www.cdc.org

Disorder in the Courts

Mothers and their allies take on the family law system

California National Organization for Women 2006 (e book publication)

website: http://www.canow.org

District Attorney Manhattan: Cyrus Vance

Presenter at the “Trust Women Conference”, London, England, 2013,2014,2015

Expert in human trafficking, sex trafficking,identity theft and organized crime.

Website: http://www.manhattanda.org

General information: 212-335-9000

Domestic Abuse Hotline: 212-335-4308

Identity Theft Hotline:212-335-9600

Domestic Violence Crisis Center, 24 hour hotline

http://www.dvccct.org

888-774-2900

Domestic Violence Government Grants

http://www.grants.gov

Domestic Violence Hotline

212-577-7777 New York City, New York

Domestic Violence Victim Advocate

Police Chief David Ryan; direct phone number:914-764-4206

email:dryan@townofpoundridge.com

Eileen King: Child Justice

http://www.child-justice.org

301-283-1762

Email: kingeil656@aol.com

Eve Ensler: Vagina Monologues

http://www.vday.org

Global Journalist Security

Frank Smyth: frank@journalistsecurity.net 202-244-0717

Workshops for :Journalists, Human Rights Defenders, NGO’s,

freelance photographers and writers

Sexual assault scenario training, self protection in mobs, self care

Half The Sky Movement: Nicholas Kristof

http://www.halftheskymovement.org

Documentary on international sex trafficking.

He for She Campaign

http://www.heforshe.org

A UN Women’s campaign for gender equality and the empowerment of women.

Hope Shining: Colorado

http://www.hopeshining.org

Human Rights Watch

Kenneth Roth

International Human Rights

hrwpress@hrw.org

It’s On Us Campaign

It’s on us to stop sexual assault

President Obama’s message at the 2015 Grammy Awards

http://www.itsonus.org

email:contact@itsonus.org

Joan Meier: George Washington University: School of Law: Washington DC

DV Leap: domestic violence legal empowerment and appeals project.

http://www.dvleap.org

Email: info@dvleap.org

jmeier@law.gwu.edu

Joe Torre: Safe At Home Foundation

http://www.joetorre.org

Margaret’s Place: 212-880-7360, 877-878-4JOE

Jewish Women’s International

Vision,Voice,Leadership to empower women and girls

http://www.jwi.org

Lundy Bancroft

Writer, speaker, film producer and domestic violence advocate for terrorized mothers, and children terrorized by abusive men

http://www.lundybancroft.com

Manhattan Family Justice Center

City of New York: Mayor’s Office to Combat Domestic Violence

Hannah: Executive Director: 212-602-2828

24 hour domestic violence hotline: 800-621-hope (4673)

Michael Bolton Charities

http://www.michaelboltoncharities.com

Jackie Smaga executive director: js.mbf@snet.net

Andrena Gagliardi executive assistant: andrena@michaelboltoncharities.com

Michael Bolton Charities mailing address: P.O. Box 936 Branford, Ct. 06405

203-483-6463

Michael Lesher: articles on sexual abuse of children in the orthodox Jewish community

Brooklyn, New York

http://www.MichaelLesher.com

Email: MLeasher@MichaelLesher.com or MichaelLesher@optonline.net

National Dating Abuse Hotline

866-331-9474

http://www.loveisrespect.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline

800-799-7233(hope)

http://www.thehotline.org

National Organization For Women

http://www.now.org

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: Pennsylvania Domestic

Violence Resource Center

http://www.NRCDV.org

800-537-2238

National Sexual Assault Hotline

800-656-4673

http://www.Rainn.org

NCADV: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

1120 Lincoln Street Suite 1603 Denver, Colorado

http://www.ncadv.org

Colorado office: 303-839-1852

Policy Office Washington DC: 202-745-1211 ext. 143

NCPTC: National Child Protection Training Center

http://www.ncptc.org

Director Victor Vieth

Email: victor.vieth@ncptc.org

Dallas Crimes Against Children Conference

August 11-14, 2014

“Because the bible tells me so”

Protection professionals working with parents using scripture to justify corporal punishment.

New York Coalition Against Domestic Violence

350 New Scotland Avenue Albany, NY 12208

http://www.nyscadv.org

Email, nyscadv@nyscadv.org

800-942-6906,

518-482-5465

New York University Law School, New York, NY: Domestic Violence Advocacy Project

212-998-6100

http://www.law.nyu.edu

Contact: Carolin Guentert: ceg371@nyu.edu

NNEDV: National Network to End Domestic Violence

2001 S. Street, NW Suite 400, Washington DC

202-543-5566,

Hotline 800-799-7233

http://www.nnedv.org

Victor Rivers spokesperson

No More Campaign

http://www.nomore.org

email: nomoreproject@gmail.com

Posted Super Bowl commercial addressing domestic violence and sexual assault

A web site on Michael Bolton charities’ web site: men to stand up and say no more to violence against women, mothers and their children.

Northwestern University on unethical practices of divorce lawyers

Professor John Elson: Chicago, Illinois

Not Alone Campaign

http://www.notalone.gov

Vice President Joseph Biden and President Obama – the campaign to stop sexual assault of young women on campus and to end sexual assault of women and girls in the United States.

OPDV

Office on the Prevention of Domestic Violence: Mayor Bloomberg.

Mayor’s Office to Combat Domestic Violence

Pace Women’s Justice Center Office

914-422-4069

Help line 914-287-0739

http://www.law.pace.edu

Paula Lucas: Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center

Website: http://www.866uswomen.org

Email: lucas@866uswomen.org

A domestic violence advocacy organization saving the lives of American women being terrorized overseas. Written by a domestic violence survivor, Paula Lucas.

A domestic violence advocacy organization recognized by Eric Holder, Colin Powell and international leaders in the domestic violence advocacy movement in the United States.

Planned Parenthood: Cecile Richards

Web site: http://www.plannedparenthood.org

Action fund email: actionfund@ppta.org

Media contact: media.office@ppfa.org

Rainn: Rape, Abuse, Incest-National Network

2000 L Street NW Washington DC Suite 505

202-544-1034

800-656-4673 ext. 3

http://www.rainn.org

Email: info@rainn.org

Room To Read

Featured in Half the Sky DVD, John Wood: working to keep girls in school in underdeveloped countries.

http://www.roomtoread.com

Email: info@roomtoread.org :

Global office San Francisco, CA 415-839-4400

Safe Horizon: New York State Domestic Violence

2 Lafayette Street 3rd.floor New York City, NY 10007

Contact Ariel Zwang, CEO: 212-577-7700

Multilingual support is available 24 hours a day

Safe Horizons Hotline:

Domestic Violence Hotline:800-621-HOPE (4673)

Sexual Assault Hotline:212-227-3000

Crime Victims Hotline:866-689-HELP (4357)

Centralized Helpline:855-234-1042

http://www.safehorizon.org

Sanctuary for Families Center for Battered Women

Legal services: 212-349-6009 (New York City, NY)

http://www.sanctuaryforfamilies.org

Save The Children

501 Kings Highway East

Fairfield, CT 06825

800-728-3843

http://www.savethechildren.org

Email: twebster@savechildren.org

The Center for Women and Families of Eastern Fairfield County Office

203-334-6154

24 hour emergency numbers domestic violence: 203-384-9559

Sexual assault: 203-333-2233

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

http://www.ndvh.org

800-799-safe (7233)

The Rose Fund

200 Harvard Mill Square Wakefield, Massachusetts

617-482-5400

http://www.rosefund.org

Scholarships for women who have been brutally attacked by violent men, medical care and dental care.

Trust Women Conference

Thomas Reuters Foundation & International Herald Tribune, London England

http://www.trustwomenconf.com

Nov.30 & Dec.1,2016

International leaders in the domestic violence movement for the protection of girls,women,protective mothers and their children internationally.

To register: http://www.trustwomenconf.com/register, or contact: Donna Oliver: Donna.Oliver@thomsonreuters.com

44(0)2075421170

Unicef: USA

http://www.www.unicefusa.org

Children First Campaign

125 Maiden Lane New York ,NY

Donations: 212-686-5522

General information: 212-326-7000

International child protection.

University of Colorado Denver

Center on Domestic Violence, School of Public Affairs

http://www.domesticviolence.ucdenver.edu

Email: cdv@ucdenver.edu

Director: Barbara Paradiso: Barbara.Paradiso@UCDenver.edu: 303-315-2736

UN Women

http://www.unwomen.org

US Department of Justice: Office for Victims of Crime

Director Joye Frost

Office: 202-307-5983

Fax: 202-514-6383

http://www.ovc.gov

Resource center email: ITVERP@usdoj.gov

US Department of Justice Office on Violence against Women

http://www.usdoj/ovw

Email: ovw.director@usdoj.gov

Office: 202-307-6026:

Fax: 202-305-2589

Director Bea Hanson:Women Are Watching Campaign

http://www.womenarewatching.org

Protecting the rights of women and girls.

Planned Parenthood: Cecile Richards

Womens Law

http://www.womenslaw.org

A project of NNEDV providing information and support to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault orders of protection forms online.

Books

Lundy Bancroft: Should I Stay Or Should I Go (2011):In this supportive and straight forward guide Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That and communication specialist, JAC Parissi, offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward with or without their partners. Women involved in chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationships will learn to: tell the difference between a healthy-yet difficult relationship and one that is really not working,recognize that their partner has a serious problem,stop waiting to see what happens and make their own growth the priority,prepare for life without their partner-even as they keep trying to make the relationship work.

Lundy Bancroft: The Batterer As Parent (2002 and 2011)

Moving beyond the narrow clinical perspective sometimes applied to viewing the emotional and developmental risks to battered children. The Batterer As Parent, addressing the impact of domestic violence on family dynamics, the second edition, offers a view that takes into account the complex ways in which a batterer’s abusive and controlling behaviors are woven into the fabric of daily life. This book is a guide for therapists, child protective workers, family and juvenile court personnel and other human service providers in addressing the complex impact that batterers, specifically male batterers of domestic partners, when there are children in the household have on family functioning. In addition to providing an understanding of batterers as parents and family members, the book also supplies clearly delineated approaches to such practical issues as assessing risk to children perpetrating incest, parenting issues in child custody and visitation evaluation and the impact on children’s therapeutic process and family functioning in child protective practice.

Lundy Bancroft: When Dad Hurts Mom (2004)

Nearly three quarters of women who are chronically mistreated by their partners have children. In this sensitive, respectful book, counselor, speaker, teacher and activist Bancroft gives those women ways to help their children heal from the pain of seeing such abuse. Using anecdotes, Q & A’s, bulleted points to remember and a caring but firm tone, Bancroft tells abused mothers exactly the actions they should take to help their children. Don’t blame children or yourself, he says and let children know it’s good to talk about the verbal or physical abuse they have been exposed to. Bancroft coaches moms to tell their children that abuse is wrong, but warns them not to criticize the abusers a person if he is a father figure to the children. Bancroft’s important book addresses peripheral issues too, such as separation and divorce and deals with child protective services and the family court system.

Lundy Bancroft: Why Does He Do That: Inside The Minds Of Angry Controlling Men (2002)

Bancroft, a former co director of Emerge, the first US program for abusive men, and a fifteen year veteran of work with abusive men, reminds readers that each year in this country, two to four million women are assaulted by a husband or boyfriend at some point in her life. His valuable resource covers early warning signs, ten abusive personalities, the abusive mentality, problems getting help from the legal system and the long complex process of change. After dispelling 17 myths about abusive personalities, he sheds light on the origin of the abusers values and beliefs which he finds to be a better explanation of abusive behaviors than a reference to psychological problems. Bancroft extends his approach to problematic gay and lesbian relationships as well, making the book that much more useful and empowering. This is essential reading for those in the helping professions and highly recommended for all libraries, especially those in communities with emergency shelter programs.

Susan Brewster: Helping Her Get Free: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women

Seal Press (2006)

Originally published Helping Her Get Free with the title, To Be An Anchor From The Storm. The survivor of an abusive relationship herself, and a licensed counselor of abused women for more than a decade, Susan Brewster teaches readers how to recognize the signs of abuse, handle negative feelings, become an effective advocate, deal with the abuser and more. With a new introduction and updated resource section, this straight forward and compassionate book offers the information needed to help give strength to women who are trying to break free.

Susan Brownmiller: Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape (1993)

The most comprehensive study of rape ever offered to the public. It forces readers to take a fresh look at their own attitudes toward this devastating crime. As powerful and timely as when it was first published, Against Our Will, stands as a unique document of the history of politics, the sociology of rape and the inherent and ingrained inequality of men and women under the law. In lucid, persuasive prose, Brownmiller has created a definitive, devastating work of lasting social importance. Chosen by the New York Times Book Review as one of the outstanding books of the year.

Ross Chiet:The Witch Hunt Narrative, Politics ,Psychology and the Sexual Abuse of Children: Oxford University Press 2014 USA

Empirically challenges the view that a series of high- profile cases in the 1980’s and early 1990’s were hoaxes. Shows how a narrative based on empirically thin evidence became a theory with real social force and how that theory stood at odds with the reality of child sexual abuse.

Jill Davies, Eleanor Lyons, Diane Monti-Cantania: Safety Planning With Battered Women: Complex Lives Difficult Choices: Sage Series on Violence Against Women (1998)

The model emphasizes understanding a battered women’s perspective, including her risk analysis and safety plan; building partnerships with battered women; and systems advocacy. It seeks to craft courses of action that will enhance women’s safety given their individual realities.

Donna Ferrato:”Living with the Enemy”

Aperture Foundation:1991

Ferrato rode over 6,000 hours with police around the country to get some of the photographs in Living With the Enemy. In the introduction to Living With the Enemy, Ferrato writes, “Much of the book was born out of frustration – first, because I felt powerless in the face of the violence I had seen, and, second, because for a long time no magazine would publish the pictures. It was only when I received the W. Eugene Smith Award in 1986 that magazine editors began to take the project seriously.” Ferrato felt the problem had been concealed from public view for too long and it was important to show as many aspects of the problem as she could. Some of the names in the book were changed, but all of the photographs and stories are real.

Meg Kennedy Dugan & Roger Hock: It’s My Life Now: Starting Over After An Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence (2006)

Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that when finding a way out, victims’ difficulties are solved, their life is good, they are safe and recovery will be swift. However survivors know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare, it is the beginning of an often difficult and challenging journey through healing and happiness. It’s My Life Now offers readers the practical guidance; emotional reassurance and psychological awareness that survivors of relationship abuse and domestic violence need to heal and reclaim their lives after leaving their abusers. Since its publication in 2000, It’s My Life Now, has been highly successful as a working manual for survivors who are starting their lives over after an abusive relationship. This valuable book combines direction on practical and emotional issues with worksheets and self exploration exercises. Now in the second edition, Dugan and Hock include updated information and resources while encompassing a wider range of individuals and the relationships in which abuse and violence occur. The new edition also provides a new emphasis on safety assessment which has increasingly been shown to be a critical factor in recovery. In addition, this new addition includes current resources and information about organizations for victims along with revised and enhanced strategies to help survivors move forward on the path of recovery.

G. Ennis & J. Black: It’s Not OK Anymore (1997)

Your personal guide to ending abuse, taking charge and loving yourself.

David Finkelhor: License To Rape: Sexual Abuse of Wives (1987)

Two Psychologists examine the psychological and social implications of sexual abuse within the marriage, in a study that explores the motives behind the marital rape, the emotional and legal aspects and patterns of sexual abuse.

Ann Jones: Next Time She’ll Be Dead: Battering And How To Stop It (2000)

In Next Time She’ll Be Dead, Ann Jones argues that all women have the right to live free from bodily harm. Yet violence against women continues. Next Time She’ll Be Dead examines four habits of the American mind that cloud our thinking about women battering and contribute to the persistence of what we euphemistically call domestic violence.

Ann Jones: When Love Goes Wrong: What To Do When You Can’t Do Anything Right (1993)

This book was written at the request of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence to benefit millions of women who find themselves in relationships with controlling or abusive partners and don’t know what to do or even what’s wrong. A woman may feel confused, anxious, inadequate, intimidated or as if she is walking on egg shells. She may find herself trying harder to make things right without ever being successful.

Nicholas Kristof: Half The Sky (2009)

The courageous book by Nicholas Kristof about sex trafficking of girls and women internationally.

Paula Lucas: Harvesting Stones A true story of an American mothers attempt to get to safety with her sons, living through “terror at home” with little help while abroad. Her courageous story and her eventual success to return to the United States, away from the madman she married. She has since organized an organization for battered mothers and children living abroad to return to safety in the United States. email: Paula@HarvestingStonesBook.com

Del Martin: Battered Wives (1981) Battered Wives is the first (and still the best) general introduction to the problem of abuse. Battered Wives includes excellent critical summaries of the legal and political status of battered wives and the extent to which their immediate predicament must be understood in broad political terms. Del Martin argues that the basis of the problem is not in husband/wife interaction or immediate triggering events, but in the institution of marriage, historical attitudes toward women, the economy and inadequacies in legal and social service systems. Martin wants police and prosecutor functions constrained. She proposes specific legislation prohibiting wife abuse and suggests that judges protect the wife by closing the door to probation and de-emphasizing reconciliation. Other considerations concern gun control, equal rights and marriage contract legislation. Battered Wives is the seminal benchmark title on the subject of domestic violence.

Amy Neustein: From Madness to Mutiny: Why Mothers Are Running From the Family Courts And What Can Be Done About It (2006)

In this astonishing book sociologist Amy Neustein and attorney Michael Lesher examine the serious dysfunction of the nation’s family courts – a dysfunction that too often results in the courts’ failure to protect the people they were designed to help. Specifically, the authors chronicle cases in which mothers who believe their children have been sexually abused by their fathers are disbelieved, ridiculed or punished for trying to protect them. All too often the mother in such a case, is deemed the unstable parent and her children are removed from her care to be placed in foster care or even with the father credibly accused of abusing them. From Madness to Mutiny offers an overview of family court malfunction mutiny that results from it. The authors outline the legal landscape that makes the madness possible and shows how the system has failed to react to severe criticism from media and legislators. And they discuss ways to reform the family courts with the goal of transforming them from instruments of punishment to true institutions of justice.

Anna Quindlen: Black and Blue (1998)

For eighteen years Fran Benedetto kept her secret, hid her bruises. She stayed with Bobby because she wanted her son to have a father, and because in spite of everything, she loved him. Then one night, when she saw the look on her ten year old son’s face, Fran finally made a choice and ran for both of their lives. Now she is starting over in a city far from home, far from Bobby. In this place she uses a name that isn’t hers, watches over her son, and tries to forget. For the woman who now calls herself Beth, every day is a chance to heal, to put together her shattered self. And every day she waits for Bobby to catch up to her. Bobby always said he would never let her go and despite the ingenuity of her escape, Fran Benedetto is certain of one thing, it is only a matter of time.

Victor Rivers: A Private Family Matter (2006)

“This is a story about how I was saved by love at a time when most people considered me beyond rescue.” So begins Victor Rivas Rivers in this powerful chronicle of his escape from the war zone of domestic violence – too often regarded as a “private family matter” and his journey toward independence, recovery and renewal. In A Private Family Matter, Victor recalls his days as an angry youth living under the rule and wrath of his father. A Cuban immigrant, Victor’s dad was nicknamed El Ciclon for his tempestuous temperament, which led him not only to beat his wife but to abuse and eventually kidnap his own children. How Victor managed to seek help for his family and criminal punishment for his father, overcome demons and learn to love himself and share his experience with other victims and survivors of domestic abuse is the heart of this profound and affecting memoir.

Angela Shelton: Finding Angela Shelton (2008)

The true story of a girl sexually molested by her own father and her courageous journey to healing and exposing the crimes of her father. The father that stole her childhood.

Gloria Steinem: My Life On the Road:2015: A woman of courage,Gloria Steinem and action. An essential book on the political culture in this country,womens politics and the theme of men continuing to attempt to silence the voice of the women feminists. A reminder to all of who we are and what we can accomplish when we are united,women united

Lenore Walker: The Battered Woman (1980)

Battering is one of the underreported, over mythologized crimes. It is terrifying in its privacy, its intimate violence, its displaced rage and distorted eroticism. Professor Walker’s study suggests that not only is it not a crime of the drunken, ethnic, working classes, but also that battered women are far more common in the middle class and higher income homes where the power of their wealth is in the hands of their husbands. In addition to carefully written and inevitably disturbing case studies, Professor Walker’s book includes sections on preventative education, practical remedies, including safe-houses and a careful discussion of psychotherapy. It is a sensible, compassionate feminist book

Susan Weitzman: Not To People like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages (2001)

Chicago’s affluent North Shore provides 20 year veteran psychologist Weitzman with abundant evidence of the secret lives of upscale domestic abusers and their victim wives. Shattering the cultural myth that emotional and physical violence in the home is confined to couples of a lower socioeconomic class, the author presents vivid case histories that are often excluded from clinical studies and statistics. Lacking a frame of reference for domestic violence with this echelon, healthcare professionals ignore the signs, while law enforcement agents and judges go easy on it, she contends. Few believe or sympathize with a well dressed ,bejeweled woman if she finds the courage and self respect to speak out against her successful, respected, powerful and often charming husband, while battered women’s shelters turn her away, assuming that she has many other resources. But according to Weitzman she doesn’t. While often well educated and successful the “upscale abused woman” is typically ignorant of her legal rights, convinced by her abuser that she is responsible for his behavior and isolated by her denial and shame from validating voices and potential assistance. Weitzman’s upscale abuser exhibits narcissistic personality disorder, feels eminently entitled and is incapable of seeing his wife as a person in her own right. Weitzman provides excellent practical advice for these women to make choices that extricate them from abuse and proposes a new language and better education regarding” upscale violence” for the professionals who are likely to see it with her work.

Karen Winner: Divorced From Justice: The Abuse of Women and Children by Divorce Lawyers and Judges (1996)

Contact with the divorce court system may be extremely dangerous. You may lose your children, your home, your life savings and your health. Before you enter a divorce lawyer’s office or courtroom, read this book to protect yourself and your children. It provides a vital road map through the treacherous landscape of divorce. A full fledged assault against women and children is under way in the divorce courts across the country. Women are losing their economic security, their homes, their child support and even their children because of corrupt court proceedings. In Divorced From Justice, Karen Winner explodes the myth that divorce laws were created to protect women and children financially and reveals how all women, from poor and working class women to professional women of affluent means, are all too often at the mercy of divorce lawyers who deal in dirty tricks, and judges who flagrantly violate the laws they are supposed to uphold.

FILMS

A Cry For Help: The Tracey Thurman Story: Written by Beth Sullivan

A true story of a woman, Tracey Thurman, who was brutally beaten by her husband many times. She contacted the police department numerous times in Torrington, Ct., her police department that failed to protect her even with an order of protection in place against him. After he had threatened to kill her and kidnapped her son, she contacted the Torrington, Ct. police department and they continued to ignore her ex-husband’s threats. After she was attacked by her ex-husband with the police department present and witnesses, her lawyer, Burton Weinstein, filed a lawsuit against the town of Torrington, Ct. and the Torrington, Ct,. Police Department. She won the law suit with a 2.5 million dollar settlement and her ex-husband went to jail.

Black and Blue: Anna Quindlen

The story of a woman married to a police officer that brutally beats her. Escaping with her child, she attempts to start a new life against all odds of him discovering their hard won freedom.

Born Into Brothels

DVD documentary about sex slaves, women and girls.

Brave Miss World

Documentary by Cecelia Peck: http://www.bravemissworld.com

The film explores the trauma of sexual assault through one woman’s journey from teenage rape victim, to Miss World, to empowered lawyer and activist.

Documentary Filmmaker Cecelia Peck featured on “The Last Word” with Lawrence O’Donnell

Breaking The Silence: Children’s Stories

Featuring Joan Meier, George Washington University. Stories of children and their protective mothers up against family court corruption, in state failure to protect them from violent husbands and fathers, physical abuse, psychological “terror at home” and sexual abuse.

Breaking the Silence: Journeys of Hope: Victor Rivers

Breaking the Silence Journeys of Hope is a penetrating examination of the pervasiveness of domestic violence in our society, the efforts that are being made to combat it, and the lives of women who became survivors instead of victims.

Half The Sky: Nicholas Kristof

The courageous documentary about sex trafficking internationally of girls and women.

NCPTC Saving Children, The Sexual Abuse Tragedy

Victor Vieth: Director of NCPTC, documents the true stories of children and protective mothers’ attempts to get to safety, to get away from violent men molesting their own children. With evidence of sexual molestation of children, he exposes the continued state failure to put an end to sex abuse of children in the United States.

No Way Out But One

http://www.garlandwallerproductions.com. Garland Waller documents, with her husband news reporter Barry Nolan, the true story of Holly Collins and her eventual realization that she must leave her own country, the United States, to escape a violent husband and violent father to her children. She moves undercover to the Netherlands, given the refusal of the United States to put an end to the “terror at home,” which she and her children lived with in her husband’s home. She was put on the FBI watch list after her escape. This heartfelt documentary by Garland Waller exposes the complete refusal of the family courts and law enforcement to protect this mother and her children. The complete refusal to make violence against protective mothers and children a crime.

Private Violence

A documentary film by Cynthia Hill, that was introduced at Robert Redford’s Sundance Film Festival last year and is now on HBO, currently on HBO on Demand and HBO Go, and showcased all over the country. An important and courageous film on violence against women, protective mothers and their children that is a true portrayal of state failure and community failure to protect brutally battered and terrorized women, protective mothers and their children. An Emmy nomination,2015, Outstanding Informational Programming: HBO Documentary Films:for this important and courageous film about male violence against women, protective mothers and their children in the United States.

website: http://www.privateviolence.com

email: privateviolence@gmail.com

contact Kit and Cynthia

social media: linkedin and facebook

Searching for Angela Shelton: Angela Shelton

The story of a young girl sexually molested by her own father. Her story of finding peace and saying no more to the father that stole her childhood from her by molesting her.

Sleeping With The Enemy

The story of a woman’s escape from a dangerous and violent husband to begin a new life with a new identity. A violent man that tracks her down with her new found freedom and attempts to murder her.

Small Justice

http://www.smalljustice.com. Garland Waller exposes the injustice in the family courts in the United States, the judicial and political corruption. She documents her interviews with the PAS “hired gun” Richard Gardner of the fathers’ rights movement, Richard Gardner the man that committed suicide, he and his bogus theory used in the family courts that allows children to be brutalized by their violent fathers, and children who are sexually molested by their violent fathers. This sick man, Richard Gardner, uses the excuse that

the mother has “alienated” the children from the father as the reason the mother is desperate to leave a violent marriage and attempts to get her children to safety. PAS, parental alienation syndrome, is used quite often in the family courts against protective mothers.

The Color Purple: Alice Walker

The story of a poor black woman whose letters tell the story of 20 years of her life, beginning at age 14 when she is being abused and raped by her father and attempting to protect her sister from the same fate, and continuing over the course of her marriage to “Mister”, a brutal man who terrorizes her.

The Hunting Ground: Opening Feb. 27,2015 New York City and LA, now nationally

http://www.thehuntinggroundfilm.com

email: info@thehuntinggroundfilm.com

From the Academy Award-nominated filmmakers behind The Invisible War comes a startling expose of rape crimes on US campuses,institutional cover-ups and the brutal social toll on victims and their families. The Hunting Ground is a must see account of the harsh retaliation,harassment and pushback survivors face as they pursue their education while fighting for justice.Premiered at the Sundance Film Festival 2015,Official Selection Sundance Film Festival

Terror At Home:Domestic Violence in America

The documentary featuring Michael Bolton on violence against women in America.

Wounded to Death

Featured on http://www.trustwomenconf.com

“Wounded To Death”,is a book reading event based on the work of Italian authors Serena Dandini and Maura Misita presented at the” Trust Women Conference” about violence against women internationally.

Journalists: Articles On Domestic Violence

Kate Bailey

“A Domestic Violence Law That Shines a Light on Coercive Control”

The Guardian:December 7,2015

Walt Bogdanich

“Reporting Rape and Regretting It: Inside a University Inquiry”

International New York Times

July 12, 2014

Michael Brick

“Humbled By Scandal Judge Begins Prison Sentence”

New York Times 2007

Stephen Castle

“Kerry Joins Envoys to Deplore Sexual Violence in War”

International New York Times

June 13, 2014

Eric Eckholm

National legal correspondent

“No longer ignored, evidence solves rape cases years later”

International New York Times

August 2,2014

Liz Ford

Deputy Editor for Global Development

The Guardian

http://www.theguardian.com/profile/lizford

email: elizabeth.ford@theguardian.com

“Women’s Rights the Focus as World Leaders Gather for NY Talks”

March 10, 2014

“Ending Sexual Violence in Conflict”, What’s Your Message to the World Leaders

May 29, 2014

Anne Grant

“Profiteering at the R.I. Family Court”

Providence Journal 2007

Blog: “Rhode Island’s little hostages”

Melissa Jeltsen:Senior Reporter Huffington Post:3/30/2016

3 Women Are Killed Every Day By Their Partners.

Here Are 59 Ideas on How To Stop The Violence

Michael Kimmelman

International Herald Tribune: October 3, 2013

“Next Time Maybe Libraries Can Be Shelters From The Storm”

Kristen Lombardi

“Custodians of Abuse”

Boston Phoenix

Steve McCurry

Photojournalist featured in “Lens” International New York Times

“Behind Closed Doors”

The powerful photography exhibit by international photographer, Steve McCurry of the “Behind Closed Door” exhibit, exposing violence against domestic workers, violence against women, protective mothers and children internationally.

website: http://www.stevemccurry.com

email; info@stevemccurry.com

CNN:Ben Wright:Threatened,assaulted,trapped,treatment of domestic workers.

Jeff Morris

“Domestic Violence Victims Get Help”

Lewisboro Ledger

March 12,2015

Laurie Penny

“Britain’s crime of complicity with Savile’s sex abuse scandal”

New York Times

July 30, 2014

Abby Phillip

“Salvation Army puts #the dress in a new light with powerful domestic violence ad”

“Why is it so Hard to see Black and Blue”:Stop Abuse Against Women Campaign South Africa

The Washington Post

March 6,2015

Adrianne Sanders

“Well to Do Domestic Violence Victims Hide in the Shadows at Their Own Peril”

lohud:The Journal News

January 22,2016

Sarah Shoener

”Two Parent Households Can be Lethal: Domestic Violence and the Two Parent Household”

New York Times Sunday Review

June 21, 2014

Michael Souza

“A Victim’s Story: Pain and Triumph Over Domestic Violence”

Narragansett Times 2007: Rhode Island

Till Death Do Us Part”

2015 Pulitzer Prize Winners in Journalism,Letters,Drama and Music

By The New York Times April 20,2015

Public Service Award:Staff Post and Courier in Charleston South Carolina

Series on domestic violence in America and the state failure to protect women, protective mothers and their children from male violence

Photographers

Ann Patricia Coleman

Donna Ferrato

Steve McCurry

Pastors, Imams and Rabbis Urge Congress to Close Gun Loopholes for Domestic Abusers:Melissa Jeltsen:Huffington Post

Pastors, Imams And Rabbis Urge Congress To Close Gun Loopholes For Domestic Abusers

“As people of faith, we affirm the right of every person to live free from violence, and we ask that you act now to protect that sacred right.”

DREW ANGERER/BLOOMBERG VIA GETTY IMAGES
Faith leaders are calling on Congress to stand up for domestic violence victims by passing increased protections. 

Nearly 500 Christian, Jewish and Muslim faith leaders have signed a letter askingCongress to close loopholes in federal law that allow domestic abusers to own and buy firearms.

“Domestic violence, dating abuse, and stalking are extreme violations of the dignity and humanity of a person, and these crimes have no place in our faith traditions,” the letter reads. “As people of faith, we affirm the right of every person to live free from violence, and we ask that you act now to protect that sacred right.”

The letter urges members of Congress to support the Zero Tolerance for Domestic Abusers Act (HR 3130) and the Protecting Domestic Violence and Stalking Victims Act (S 1520), which would expand federal prohibitions on firearms to include stalkers and individuals who abuse dating partners.

Under current federal law, individuals convicted of a domestic violence misdemeanor are prohibited from owning or buying guns — so long as the target of their abuse was a spouse, ex-spouse, someone they had a child with or someone they lived with. As it stands, the federal definition of domestic abuser excludes dating partners, even though they commit around half of all intimate partner homicides. And convicted stalkers don’t fall under the federal gun ban, even though stalking is a known indicator of future violence in abusive relationships.

On Wednesday, faith leaders plan to bombard members of Congress with tweets, emails and calls asking them to support legislation to close those loopholes during a day of actionorganized by Jewish Women International’s Interfaith Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence.

“The law’s narrow definition of intimate partner relationships leaves a dangerous loophole,” said Lori Weinstein, CEO of Jewish Women International, in a statement. “Faith leaders, Republicans, Democrats, and gun owners support this legislation. It’s not controversial; it’s common sense, and we need it now. Women’s lives are depending on it.”

There’s plenty of research illustrating the dangerous intersection of domestic violence and guns.

Over half of all women killed by intimate partners between 2001 to 2012 were killed using a gun, according to the Center for American Progress. Experts believe that if an abuser has access to a gun, victims are five times more likely to be killed.

A domestic violence attack by a perpetrator with a gun is 12 times more likely to end in death than an assault using another weapon. Simply living in a state with a high rate of gun ownership increases a woman’s chance of being fatally shot in a domestic violence situation, according to a recent study by researchers at Boston University.

“It’s important for people to remember that while gun violence that is attributable to ideology, terrorism, et cetera is a critical and real issue, the issue of gun violence related to domestic violence is an everyday occurrence,” said the Rev. Dr. Derrick Harkins, senior vice president of Union Theological Seminary in New York and former adviser to President Barack Obama.

“Very often the families and individuals who are victims of this type of violence are part of our communities, and it stands to reason that the faith community would speak out about this issue,” he said.

Rabbi Menachem Creditor of the Congregation Netivot Shalom in Berkeley, California, pointed to the Jewish concept of pikuach nefesh — which means “saving a life” — when asked why he was lobbying Congress on gun violence.

“People of conscience and faith have been let down over and over by our elected officials,” he said. “The Jewish community is paying very close attention and is taking full responsibility to end violence against girls and women, both in Jewish homes and institutions, and in society.”

A signed copy of the letter will be delivered to members of Congress next month.

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Melissa Jeltsen covers domestic violence and other issues related to women’s health, safety and security. Tips? Feedback? Send an email or follow her on Twitter.

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NNEDV:10 Tips to Have an Informed Conversation about Domestic Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) © 2016 1

10 Tips to Have an Informed Conversation about Domestic Violence

1. NEVER victim blame.

Abuse is never the victim’s fault. As a society, we continue to place blame on victims by asking, “What did she do to deserve that?” or “What was she wearing?” or “Why was she there?” or “Why couldn’t she just keep her knees together?” Yet we do not ask these questions to victims of other crimes. We must stop asking these questions of domestic violence and sexual assault survivors.

ASK: How can we shift the culture away from blaming the victim, and instead blame the perpetrator? Why does the abuser choose the abuse?

RESPOND: Believe, support, and trust survivors. Instead of second guessing their experiences, let’s rightfully place the responsibility on abusers and perpetrators to end the abuse. Domestic violence is rooted in power and control.1

1 NNEDV, “Power and Control Wheel.” http://nnedv.org/resources/transitional-housing/139-financial-empowerment-economic-justice-resources/3898-power-and-control-wheel.html

2. Hold offenders accountable.

Holding offenders accountable can take many forms. If it is safe to do so, call offenders out on their abusive actions and impose social consequences, like telling them they’re not welcome for family dinner or to hang out until the abusive behavior stops. Stop excusing behavior with “boys will be boys” or “[the perpetrator] would never do something like that.” Community accountability can make a significant impact.

ASK: How can we hold offenders accountable and support survivors?

RESPOND: Tell the perpetrator that their behavior is abuse. Healthy relationships are rooted in equality, respect, and nonviolence.

10 Tips to Have an Informed Conversation about Domestic Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) © 2016 2

3. Challenge widely-held perceptions about domestic violence.

Unfortunately, misconceptions about domestic violence persist – such as the notions that survivors can “just leave;” that heterosexual, cisgender women are the only victims; that domestic violence only includes physical violence; or that domestic violence is a “private, family matter.” Each one of these myths persists, despite our work to challenge these perceptions. Through NNEDV’s #31n31 campaign in October 2016, we busted several of these myths – check out the full campaign on Pinterest.2

2 NNEDV Pinterest Board, “#31n31 October 2016.” https://www.pinterest.com/nnedv/31n31-october-2016/

3 NNEDV, “Forms of Abuse.” http://nnedv.org/resources/stats/gethelp/formsofabuse.html

4 The belief that all people fall into two distinct categories, male and female, and their gender identities match their biological sex. This perpetuates the erroneous belief that gender and sex are interchangeable, when in fact gender is social construct. This belief presumes that heterosexuality is not only the norm, but often the only legitimate option.

5 NNEDV, “New Research Uncovers Racial Bias in Media Coverage of Celebrity Domestic Violence.” http://nnedv.org/news/4631-new-research-uncovers-racial-bias-in-media-coverage-of-celebrity-domestic-violence.html

ASK: Why can’t survivors “just leave?” Other than physical violence, what other forms of abuse can domestic violence take?

RESPOND: Survivors must think about their own physical safety, financial security, the safety and welfare of their children and pets, potential housing and where they can “just leave” to, among myriad other issues. Domestic violence can include physical, financial, emotional, psychological, or sexual abuse.3

4. Voice that domestic violence is an intersectional issue.

Domestic violence does not happen in a vacuum. Survivors experiencing domestic violence often experience other “–isms” (e.g., sexism, racism, classism, heteronormativism,4 etc.), compounding negative impacts on victims. Collectively, these –isms play a devastating role in perpetuating gender-based violence. In 2016, a study was released that found that there is racial bias in media coverage of celebrity domestic violence.5

ASK: How do you think different oppressions and privileges affect survivors’ experiences?

RESPOND: When coupled with other –isms, victims face additional barriers to safety.

10 Tips to Have an Informed Conversation about Domestic Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) © 2016 3

5. Understand that abuse is rooted in power and control.

Abuse is intentional. It is a myth that someone who abuses their partner is “out of control;” in fact, they are in good control (how often do they “lose control” at work? With a friend? With other family members?) and purposely choose tactics to control their partner. Power is hard to give up or share, and abusive actions are purposeful with the goal of gaining power and control6 over a partner.

6 NNEDV, “Power and Control Wheel.” http://nnedv.org/resources/transitional-housing/139-financial-empowerment-economic-justice-resources/3898-power-and-control-wheel.html

ASK: What do you think are common ways that offenders use power and control over victims?

RESPOND: Strategically isolating victims is a common tactic to gain power and control over a victim. Perpetrators may trap their partners by withholding, lying about, or hiding financial assets, a form of financial abuse.

6. Trust the survivor’s perspective.

Survivors know their experience and story better than anyone. Taking a survivor-centered approach empowers survivors by prioritizing their needs and wants. Often, abusers deny their partners’ self-determination; empowering survivors returns their control and enables them to make their own decisions.

ASK: In what ways can we support survivors in making their own decisions about how to address abuse?

RESPOND: Listen! Ask survivors what they need to individually be safe – there is no one-size-fits-all approach to addressing domestic violence.

7. Question the way the media portrays domestic violence.

Within the last few years there have been a number of highly publicized cases of domestic violence. While raising awareness is important, it’s crucial to look at domestic violence reporting through a critical and trauma-informed lens to make sure the portrayal of domestic violence is accurately rooted in the realities of survivors’ experiences. 10 Tips to Have an Informed Conversation about Domestic Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) © 2016 4

ASK: What have you thought about recent media coverage of celebrity domestic violence cases?

RESPOND: Survivors in highly publicized cases deserve the same respect as any person experiencing abuse. First and foremost, we must believe survivors, continue to hold celebrity offenders accountable, and keep in mind that everyone’s story is their own and unique.

8. Communicate that domestic violence is not a “private, family matter.”

One in three women will be a victim of domestic or sexual violence at some point in her lifetime, and each day an average of three women die at the hands of someone who claimed to love them.7 Domestic violence affects us all; victims are our family members, neighbors, coworkers, and friends. All of us – women, children, and men – must be part of the solution.

7 NNEDV, “Domestic & Sexual Violence Fact Sheet.” http://nnedv.org/downloads/Policy/AD14/AD14_DVSA_Factsheet.pdf

ASK: Do you know anyone who has been affected by domestic violence? How did you support them?

RESPOND: Domestic violence affects each and every one of us. Violence is not the answer, and it’s on us to take a stand against domestic violence.

9. Root your conversation in equality.

One of the root causes of domestic violence is inequality. Addressing this root cause takes conscious action and significant social change.

ASK: What role does gender inequality play in domestic violence?

RESPOND: Many dynamics of power and control are rooted in gender roles and stereotypes. One way to combat these ingrained inequalities is through conscious action (e.g., by calling out sexism, racism, or any other –ism when you see it) and youth education.

10 Tips to Have an Informed Conversation about Domestic Violence

National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) © 2016 5

10. Remember domestic violence affects all of us, but with action and education we can end it.

Domestic violence is everywhere, affecting millions of individuals across the United States regardless of age, economic status, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or education. Domestic violence is not strictly physical abuse, but can include emotional, financial, verbal, psychological, sexual, and technology-facilitated abuse as well.

ASK: What can you do to end domestic violence?

RESPOND: There are many ways to help end domestic violence (here are 31 ideas)!8 The easiest way is to start a conversation about domestic violence with your loved ones. Support your community by volunteering or donating to a domestic violence organization. Learn more about getting involved at NNEDV.org/GetInvolved.

8 NNEDV Pinterest Board, “#31n31 October 2013.” https://www.pinterest.com/nnedv/31n31-october-2013/

IF YOU’RE HAVING A CONVERSATION ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND SOMEONE DISCLOSES THAT THEY ARE A VICTIM OR SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, YOU CAN:

Listen, and communicate that the abuse they’re experiencing is not their fault. Let them know that they deserve safety and respect.

Refer them to resources:

If they are in immediate danger, please call 911, a local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 and TTY (800) 787-3224.

Learn more about domestic violence from NNEDV.org

Find your state or territory coalition at NNEDV.org/Coalitions

Learn more about technology-facilitated abuse, harassment, and harm from TechSafety.org

Learn more about laws and legal remedies from WomensLaw.org

Disorder in the Courts:Mothers and Their Allies Take on the Family Law System:California NOW

Disorder in the Courts: Mothers and Their Allies Take on the Family Law System is an electronic (download) publication featuring a collection of essays by experts addressing the critical issues mothers face in contentious custody and divorce cases.  The contributors offer advice, encouragement and personal experiences to other mothers and their allies facing cases of their own, or working to address the crisis for mothers and their children in the family law courts.  With an introduction and afterword by the editors, the collection includes essays by: Phyllis Chesler, Karen Anderson; Dr. Lundy Bancroft; Sharon Bass; Dr. Robert Geffner; Judge (ret.) Sol Gothard; Dr. Mo Therese Hannah; Karen Hartley-Nagle; Paige Hodson; Kristen, Diane and Charles Hofheimer, Dominique Lasseur, Kristen Lombardi, Dr. Geraldine Butts Stahly, Garland Waller, and Trish Wilson.